Who wrote this?

Sometimes when I go back to read what I have written, especially after  years have passed, I have the odd sense that someone else did the writing. Whose voice is that, I have wondered. Where did that opinion come from, I have wanted to know.  How did that particular image come to be born?

I tell myself I could not have been the author of my work because I am not capable of it. The person who shops for groceries, puts gas in her car, changes the bed linen, throws on pants, or teaches a class is not the one who can think up strings of words, and certainly not elegant ones. She is not even someone who enjoys writing, or not much.

The creative impulse seems to arise from something both within and above me. It can arrive without my sweet talk, but more often it strobes only when I am still and can allow myself to swim down into a dark secret. Once I surface, the donkeywork of my daily life rushes in and I leave myself.

When I was a small child I was not separate from my wanting. I could touch God and burn up.

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2 comments

  1. I recently found an old diary, one that I had written when still in my teens – I kept asking myself: Who was that girl? She seemed such a stranger to me and I couldn’t not believe that I had ever written any of those words or ever had those thoughts. Thank you for this thought provoking post.

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